Yesterday may have been the most ridiculous day in recent history.
I told you before that I am a nanny for two adorable children, a 4-year-old girl and a 6-month-old boy. Our daily routine is supposed to include the girl going to preschool until noon while I stay at home with her brother. Then we should go pick her up, come home and eat lunch, take naps, and play. Unfortunately, it never seems to go this smoothly.
Yesterday was a complete explosion of an experience. I’m only sharing it with you because it’s really quite hilarious and seems straight out of one of those “Cheaper by the Dozen” types of movies starring Steve Martin (or someone equally comical) as the father. So even though it’s a bit embarrassing, I feel as though this story could make you feel better about your own lives.
The day went relatively well at first. The girl goes to school, the baby sleeps, I attempt to write a paper (I wasn’t so successful with that last one). I play with the baby, feed the baby, put the baby down for a nap. The girl comes home, we eat lunch, all is well. Then it’s time for the girl to take a nap. This is where the problems begin. I read her a story, I sing her a song, I tuck her in. I go downstairs and play with the baby some more. Thirty minutes later, I hear, “Ally, I’m not sleepy! Ally, I’m not sleepy! Ally, I’m not sleepy!” So the baby and I head back upstairs to see what’s going on. I walk into the girl’s room and see her laying (or lying? I can never figure that one out) in her bed, yelling that she’s not sleepy. So I suggest that we read a story, just to calm her down. The girl will have none of this. I put the baby in his little chair and plant myself in the bed with a pile of books, ready for a stand off. My theory is that if I read long enough, the girl will want to see the pictures in the books and will crawl into bed and fall asleep.
Instead, the little girl will spin around in circles for 20 minutes while I read four different books aloud.
So I give up on that plan.
Next, the little girl wants to play hide-and-seek. I should explain that when we play this game, she calls out to me when she’s ready to be found, thereby revealing her hiding place. This time, she hid under her covers. I pretended to look around the room for her while she giggled and wiggled under the blankets. I went to pull the blankets away, but she was holding them tightly. So I said aloud that I couldn’t find her, so I guess I would just play with the baby. My secret hope was that she would just fall asleep in her bed while I pretended to search for her, but of course, that didn’t work. So then she starts yelling, “Hey! Hey!” from her bed, trying to give me clues to where she is. I’m not sure if this was the best plan, but I simply ignored her and played with the baby.
Eventually she reveals herself from the covers and wants to play some more. I tell her that we have to take a break from the game so that I can change the baby’s diaper. This is where it gets really fun.
Somehow, as a part of some master plan to make me never want to have children, the baby had a bit of a rear end explosion and poo ended up outside of the diaper, all over his clothes. So then I’m left with the daunting task of changing his diaper and his clothes without getting any of the nasty stuff on me, the furniture, or the baby. But, of course, the baby is kicking his legs around and ends up with poo on everything (except, thankfully, me). So we end up getting the diaper changed (after I use a zillion wet wipes to sanitize the little fella), and get him dressed in a fresh outfit (which I later realized I put on backwards, but I’m sure he didn’t know that). Then I go to dispose of the flushable portion of the mess, and the toilet overflows. And we’re not talking about a minor spill. This was the great flood of 2011. The entire bathroom floor was covered, and the water even managed to seep into the hallway and bedroom.
So, of course the little girl wants to see what’s going on and is asking a million questions. “Why is the floor wet? What does ‘overflow’ mean? Why would the toilet overflow?” Then, of course, the baby starts crying. So I ask the girl to sing him a song. She sings a song, and the baby is still crying. Her solution to this is to place her hands over her ears and sing louder.
Let’s recap. The toilet has overflowed. The floors are soaked. The baby is crying. The girl is screaming.
I eventually got the whole mess cleaned up, the girl to stop singing, and the baby to stop crying.
And that was my crappy day. Hope yours was better.